Schönes Ding von McSweeneys: Ein Immobilienmakler verteidigt den Umbau des Taun-Tauns, in dem Han Solo und Luke Skywalker eine Nacht auf Hoth verbrachten.
At the front of Tauntaun Terrace is a custom entryway completed by our friend the aforementioned and intergalactically-known smuggler, Han Solo. This is Hoth, not Yavin, and greeting visitors in lieu of a predictable blast door is something casual and fun I've dubbed "lightsaber chic." Those handy flaps of skin and fur were carved out by Solo himself using Skywalker's handcrafted laser sword. The whole arrangement is a lavish, nomadic touch that will forever exude more exuberance than entrails, guaranteed. Are we going to get serious here, or what?
Hmm, I guess not, because this is laughable and borderline offensive to the great Jedi Order. First of all, Obi-Wan's wandering Force ghost is not "noisy," he is knowledgeable, wise and dabbles in mind control—so watch the fuck out. Second, the nearby Imperial garrison is best referred to as a local home security force and nothing more. Attempts to brand their courteous cold-weather safety teams as a "malicious occupying force of emotionless, murdering Stormtroopers" will no doubt result in a brief visit from recently-hired security agent TK421 and instant blaster death. Word to the wise: He's still very sour about the whole Millennium Falcon secret floor compartment incident, so, yeah. Let's just move on.